Grief and Children: How to Help Young People Understand Loss

At some point during childhood, most children will experience the loss of a family member, friend, neighbour, or beloved pet. While a parent’s instinct is often to shield children from grief and death, it is important for children to understand what has happened in a way that is appropriate for their age and level of development.

In today’s blog, we’ll look at how you can help young people understand death and cope with loss.

Infants and Toddlers

At this age, children are generally unable to fully understand the concept of death or its permanence. While they may not comprehend what has happened, they can still sense changes in routine, emotions, and the absence of a loved one.

The best ways to support infants and toddlers include:

• Offering comfort, reassurance, and affection
• Maintaining familiar routines as much as possible
• Allowing them to express emotions in their own way
• Providing simple, direct answers to questions

Even though their understanding is limited, consistency and emotional support can help them feel safe and secure.

Preschoolers

Preschool-aged children begin to develop a basic understanding of death, but they often struggle to grasp that it is permanent. Because young children tend to think very literally, it is important to avoid euphemisms such as “went to sleep” or “gone away,” which may create confusion or fear.

Children at this age are naturally curious and may ask the same questions repeatedly. Patience and honesty are key.

When speaking with preschoolers:

• Use simple and definitive language
• Answer questions honestly and calmly
• Avoid overwhelming them with unnecessary details
• Reassure them that their feelings are normal

Repeating explanations is a normal part of how young children process difficult information.

School-Age Children

School-age children generally begin to understand that death is permanent. As their understanding grows, so does the depth and complexity of their questions. Some questions may seem blunt, insensitive, or surprising, but they are usually part of the child’s attempt to make sense of what has happened.

The best way to support children at this stage is to:

• Listen carefully and answer questions honestly
• Encourage them to talk about their thoughts and feelings
• Reassure them that grief is normal
• Allow them to participate in memorial activities if they wish

Often, feeling heard and included is just as important as the answers themselves.

Older Children and Preteens

By the age of nine or ten, most children have developed a more complete understanding of death and its permanence. At this stage, they may experience grief in ways that are more similar to adults, although they may still struggle to express their emotions openly.

Supporting older children often means:

• Being honest and direct when answering questions
• Encouraging open conversations about grief
• Respecting their individual coping style
• Checking in regularly, even if they appear to be coping well

Older children may also benefit from journaling, creative outlets, or grief support groups designed for young people.

Helping Children Through Grief

No matter their age, children benefit most from feeling safe, supported, and included. Encourage them to express emotions, ask questions, and remember their loved one in meaningful ways.

It is also important to remember that grief is not always expressed through sadness alone. Children may show grief through changes in behaviour, withdrawal, irritability, or difficulty concentrating.We hope this guide has provided helpful insight into how to support children through grief and loss. While these conversations can be difficult, approaching them with honesty, patience, and compassion can help young people process loss in a healthy and supportive way.

Arbutus Funeral Service Inc., based in the Walnut Grove part of northwest Langley Township, British Columbia, is a family-owned and operated funeral home providing practical and affordable funeral services. We believe in cultural sensitivity and treat every client and family with respect and compassion. If you have any questions about this article or would like to talk to us about funeral services, please call (604) 888-9895.